CVS. No, not the pharmacy

Today I had a CVS test done. CVS, or Chorionic Villus Sampling, is a procedure were they take some cells from the edge of the developing placenta to test for chromosomal abnormalities. I had it done abdominally which means that a 20 gauge need was inserted into my abdomen, through my uterine wall and into the placenta where it was "bounced" until a large enough sample was obtained. I made it through with less pain than I was expecting, but I highly doubt I'll be making shoving needles into my ute a habit any time soon.

I also got some early results from my sequential screen. My original risks, as a 27 yo healthy woman were 1 in 660 for Down's Syndrome and 1 in 6600 for Trisomies 13,18. My actual risks, based on blood work, are 1 in 25 for Down's and 1 in 2500 for Trisomies 13,18.

I have to have another blood draw in the morning to screen for Tay-Sachs, again. I had 2 draws done while carrying Belle and were both in-conclusive. I could have sworn the 2nd was negative, but I guess I was wrong. (SEE THAT DH?!? I ADMITTED BEING WRONG. ON THE INTERWEBZ. WHERE ANYONE CAN SEE IT)

So that's where we are right now. Waiting for test results and hoping and praying and carrying on.

all is not well

Bug has a very slim chance of survival.
I feel like if I say it enough, I'll stop crying over it. Hasn't worked yet, but that doesn't mean it won't.
I'm heartbroken. I failed my baby. I know there's nothing I could have done to prevent this, but there's nothing I can do to fix it either. It's my fucking job as a mother to make it better and I'm a failure at my job.
I'm not giving up hope until Bugs heart stops beating, but I'm trying to be realistic. The odds of me seeing my child take a breath are slim to non. The odds of Belle teaching Bug to be gentle to the dog and cat are even slimmer.
I want to hope and be positive, I do. I just can't right now. I can't keep thinking about the future like I was. I can't keep envisioning Jordan as a big sister to this baby. I can't keep envisioning this baby as a big sibling to the next phantom baby.
Right now, there doesn't seem to be much I can do. Just keep on keeping on I guess. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. I just don't know. No, I do know. Right now, I am pregnant. Right now, Bug is still growing and has a strong heartbeat. Right now, I need to be grateful for what I do have.

the latest news around here

Belle scratched her cornea last week and was miserable. She DID NOT like the ophthalmologist at all. She liked her even less when we went back a few days later for the follow up. It's healed up very well though and she's back to her happy self.

We went to the zoo Tuesday the 11th and had a good family day. We were only able to feed one deer in the deer forest, but that was enough. At the petting zoo, a turkey decided to come up behind Belle and gobbled and scared her. We did have fun petting the goats though. It was just like being home, one tried to sit on my lap and another decided it couldn't leave my side -- just like having Cooper around.

News of the Bug.
I'm still sick. I got a prescription though so hopefully that helps. The cyst is still on my right ovary, but it's seems to be shrinking a little (down .6mm in 6 weeks). The NT scan did reveal a thickened nuchal fold so I'll have another screening with a specialist next week.

Here's hoping all is well :)

and Bug's hb is...

178!!

So Bug's hb picked up just like we hoped. Still measuring right on track and was dancing around in there. It was really neat to see on the screen.
Unfortunately the cyst on my right ovary is still there and not shrinking at all :/ I'm still hoping that's the cause of all this morning sickness and that bug gives me a break from it soon.
Bug at 9w3d:

bad blogger? yes, that's me.

A quick recap. I had my intake with the OBs office and SURPRISE!! that involved an ultrasound. I was led to believe that I'd have the intake and then schedule the u/s. Yeah. Nothing like a surprise date with the dildocam and your (nearly) 16 month old laughing at the tv. Little does she know that little thing she was laughing at is the Bug!
Bug's hb was still a lagging a bit. It was within the normal range, just at the low end, so I go back on Tuesday for a follow up u/s.
I'm feeling pretty sick still. I have no idea what else to try to stop it or at least reduce it. Nothing seems to work :( I think Bug just wants me to have 6-pack abs after their arrival.

RELEASED!

I WAS RELEASED!! I'm free to see my OB again! She's at a new practice (which is a HUGE plus for me), but still delivering at MRH so I am a happy, happy patient.

My hcg levels are still high and my progesterone level is still good and there's only 1 bug growing in there. They've got my edd one day before I do, so I'm just sticking with mine for now until after the next ultrasound. The not great news is that I have a rather large cyst on my right ovary and I should expect it to hurt when it ruptures. I'm still sick most of the day, but the cyst could be what's making it as bad as it is.

and here's the Bug (hb was 112):

newer numbers

today's blood work results...

hcg - 25,743
progesterone - 32

Everything looks good by the numbers. HCG is a little high, but that could be something or nothing.

1 week from today and we see what's growing :)