I'm behind... catch up time, again.

I actually might be getting more organized when it comes to catching up. might be. No promises are made that I can continue to be organized.

Wednesday, December 22
My baby, the actual infant, turned 1 month old. Holy chiz on a chisel. (if you watch iCarly, you understand)

Thursday, December 23
Belle went for blood work with Nick. She had to get 2 sticks for 3 vials of blood. I guess her blood clotted quickly or something, I don't know.

Bug had an u/s on her bladder & kidneys and her pre-op appointment. The u/s went well, I guess, I don't have any results and don't know when I'll get them since the u/s was ordered by the neonatalogist and I don't really speak with him anymore.
Then we headed over to the Memorial campus (Levine Center) for pre-op testing. What a joke. Other than seeing the anesthesiologist, it was a waste of my time and money. They took her information... and asked me all the questions on the page - including when Norah's last menses was. Seriously. Then the nurse said she didn't have to ask if she'd fallen in the last 6 months b/c she wasn't 6 months old yet. Ummm... You can ask me if my 1 month old has had a period but not if she'd fallen in the last 6 months?! I think it's far more likely that she'd have fallen (she hasn't) than had a period. just saying.
A woman told me she was beautiful, absolutely beautiful, but looked nothing like me. Then she asked if I was sure she was mine. I offered to let her see my scar. Some people need filters.


The exciting part of Thursday (ok, for Nick & I) was doing Christmas with the girls. It was our first Christmas as a family of 4, and that Nick has to work. He'll be home Christmas night, but we're spending that with my parents & brother, so we did ours early. The girls will grow up always having more than 1 Christmas, and we're still trying to figure out how we want to do that. Thankfully Santa was kind enough to drop off their gifts early while we figure it out.

and now it's
Friday, December 24th, Christmas Eve
It's just me & my girls tonight. It's the first time, since Jordan was born and in the NICU, that I haven't gone out for Christmas Eve. Well, I went to the NICU in 2008 on Christmas Eve, but didn't go to any Christmas festivities with family. I'm very happy to be spending tonight with my girls.

well visit day

The girls had their well visits today - Jordan's 2 year and Norah's 1 month.
They're both growing and developing well.

Jordan's 2 yr stats:
36 inches tall. She's more than half my height. The girl is going to be taller than me by the time she's 12, I know it :/
34 pounds. wow. just, wow. She's gotten so big from the little 9lb 1.5oz baby I held only 2 years ago.

Norah's 1 month stats:
21 inches long. That's an inch in the month she's been on the outside.
9lbs 8oz. That's a pound up from her birth weight. I can't believe she's already up a pound. For that matter, I can't believe she had a 1 month well visit! She'll be 1 month old tomorrow. I just cannot believe it's been a month since she was born... it feels like only yesterday I was packing my hospital bag!

BELLY MONSTER IS 2!!!!!!!

My baby turned 2 yesterday.

I'm in shock.
My little girly is 2.
I love her so much and can't imagine a day without her in my life.
She had a great party with family that loves her.
She loved all of her presents and showed me them all again this morning.

Daddy put together a cheese/pepperoni tray:

she loves her Daddy!

and her sister (Mumma is just someone who brings the sister to her)

AND CUPCAKES CAKE-CAKES!

I can't wait to see how her next year turns out!




P.S.
I haven't made a Norah update lately, but there is one, so here it is...
Surgery is scheduled for the 28th of December. She was diagnosed with pulmonary stenosis at her last appointment with the cardiologist. It's a little set back, but knowing that it's there, we can watch it and decide on treatment, if necessary, down the road.

snots and coughs

both girls.

this sucks.

As if I wasn't paranoid enough about Norah's health, she gets a cold after being home for (less than) a week. THEN she went and didn't poop for well over a day and a half, and it was hard when she did.

As much as it sucks, I wouldn't have things any other way. My girls are home and happy and I can love them and care for them, together, just like I want to.

my baby came home

last Thursday night (12/2) after 10 days in the NICU.

It was AWESOME!

Jordan was so excited that we brought home "our baby" and then she continued to tell me all about it with a story about our baby, her baby sissa.

I'm nervous about having her home. Not about having a baby in the house, but the "what ifs" about her gut. I've never examined poop so closely in my life. Or analyzed a cry for so long after the crying stopped. Or jumped so quickly at the start of a fuss. I want her to have surgery to get it over with and get her back home as soon as possible. I want to wait on the surgery as long as possible, but know, in my heart, sooner is better than later in this case. The sooner we get it done, the sooner I stop worrying so much (HA!) and the sooner we can stop scheduling so many appointments so far away.

I'm loving every minute of having her home though. Every fuss and squeak and diaper change. Jordy doesn't like her being away from us at all and I spend a big part of the day sitting on the couch (or floor) holding the baby while Jordan plays. The swing in the living room is a blessing b/c Norah doesn't seem to hate it and Jordan can check on her at all times w/o my having to be holding her. I don't want to complain about holding her (I love it soooooo much! She's a cuddly baby!!!), but know that if this keeps up, in 2 months we're going to have a big problem on our hands.

Belly is so excited every time she sees Bug - it just warms my heart completely.

Right now, my life is more than I could have ever hoped for.

I should probably mention Nick...
He's doing great. He's really hands on and tries so hard to do it all. He's done so much for me the last 2 weeks when I haven't been able to do anything for myself without complaint. He brought Norah in for her first well visit while I stayed with Jordan in the waiting room - his first solo pedi appointment as a father, EVER - and was so proud of himself for remembering all the details.
I love my husband more than I thought I could. I know, I've said it before, and I roll my eyes whenever some woman says she loves her husband soooo much more after she has a baby (it's the hormones, people), but I do love my him more. Just like I love the girls more every day, I seem to love him more every day... and that isn't such a bad thing in the grand scheme of it all.

today sucks for me.

First things first... Norah is doing great. Jordan is doing great. Nick is doing great. I'm having a pity party.

I want my baby home. Every parent with a baby in the NICU wants them home, but I'm not focusing on them, I'm focusing on me and I WANT MY BABY HOME.
I miss her. I hate being away from her. I want to be awake at 2am calming her and holding her whenever I want, and whenever she wants. I want to tell her about the crazy things her sister is doing and watch her stare as Jordan dances. I want to be there for her awake time - it's getting longer every day, and I'm missing it. She's stuck in a bassinet, by herself, only getting attention when she's super fussy b/c she isn't critical like the other babes. If she's just fussing, but a baby across the pod de-sats, the nurses have to tend to the other baby and Norah is left to fuss. I know she'll get over it and I know they're doing everything they can for her, but I want her home. Home, where I don't have to rush to another baby every time an alarm goes off. Home, where I can soothe her and hold her and tell her how much she's loved without time constraints.

I just want my baby home. I want her healthy, of course, but I want to be a family of 4 at HOME. I don't want to have to schedule visits with her based on Jordan's schedule (or Nick's). I don't want to hear about her latest test results - I don't want there to be latest test results.

I want my baby. I want her healthy and at home. I hate that we're basically waiting on an elective surgery, that can't be done until her lung pressure decreases and that may not happen b/c of her VSD. What then? Wait until she's 18 to leave the NICU?!?!? This is how I feel right now.

I know how lucky I am to have a baby. BELIEVE ME, I KNOW. I'm tired of hearing how I should want the best for her, so her being in the NICU shouldn't be such a big deal. It is a big deal. I have a life that I need to get back to. My support system needs to get back to their lives too. Bills don't stop b/c you have a baby - they just get higher. I know how fortunate I am that she made it to term, was born, and is doing so well. I know b/c I was the one who went through the pregnancy and heard all the bad news first hand. All the more reason I want my baby home, leading as normal a life as possible.

I just want my baby.

Norah has arrived!

Norah entered the world, screaming, on November 22nd at 2:44 in the afternoon via cesarean section. She weighed 8lbs 8.8oz, was 20 1/8 inches long and had apgars of 8 & 8. We think 8 will be her luck number :)

meeting my girl:


up in the NICU:


I opted for the c/s when they estimated her to weigh 9lbs 12oz at my u/s on Friday the 19th. I wanted her to enter the world as safely as she could and felt that it was the best method of arrival to ensure that safety.

Norah is still in the NICU, but not b/c of her heart. Surprisingly (pleasantly!), she doesn't have an CAVC defect. She has 2 separate holes (and ASD & a VSD), but they should close or be close to closed by the time she's 3. She's there b/c she has malformation of her bowel and is awaiting surgery on Monday morning. Right now there isn't an emergency to get it done, but all the drs feel it's in her best interest (b/c of her other conditions) to have it now instead of waiting for a problem to present itself. They say it's urgent, but not emergent - whatever. Her liver is right where we thought it'd be (mid-line) and she has 2 spleens, one large and one small near her kidney - both appear to be working.

Y'all, she's basically perfect, expect for her insides.

She's been on room air since she was born. She was screaming while they were pulling her out and it was one of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard. I didn't hear a sound out of Jordan until she was over a half hour old. I know that doesn't seem like a long time, but when you're waiting for any good signs, those seconds tick by slower than molasses and minutes feel like eternities. Norah's screams made me cry right away. I was nervous about feeling bonded to her b/c of the c/s and the fact that I knew she'd be headed to the NICU and I wouldn't get to see her or hold her right away, but those screams washed that fear away. I did get to see her and Nick held her and then she went upstairs to the NICU and I was up to see her a few hours later and it felt like we'd never been apart. I haven't gotten to spend as much time with her as I'd like, but I don't feel cheated like I thought I would. I make the most of the time I'm there and I know that she knows who her Mumma is.

Jordan is in love with Norah and I think she's forgiven me for not getting her a puppy. She gets so excited to see her and kisses her pictures and is just so happy about No-Nah. She starts calling for her as soon as we get to the hospital parking garage. She knows she has to wash her hands before entering N's pod and she runs right to her crib as soon as she goes through the door.

meeting her sister for the very first time:


first full family photo:


desperately trying to get rid of me so she can hug her sister:



I'm recovering very well. I was having contractions up until the surgery so that made me feel good about her lungs getting squeezed a bit. They said I was contracting ever 2-3 minutes while on the fetal monitor, but I felt the real contractions were more random than that. Surgery went well - I bled less than the typical patient, had less than half the staples of a typical patient, didn't feel much of anything and was up and walking within a few hours (I left the OR after 3 and was walking and up to visit Norah before 5:30).
Nick was great. He was very supportive when I needed him to be and he is really trying to make my recovery as easy as possible. The only time I got really upset with him (and I shouldn't have) was when he called the nurses station and told them I was hemorrhaging instead of calling my nurse directly like I asked him to b/c what happened was normal. I stood up, after sitting for over an hour and a half, right after having a baby and I gushed. I understand why he thought what he did, but he tuned me out when I was trying to tell him what was going on and I was mortified that nurses were rushing to my room. I cried. I made him feel bad and I didn't mean to and I'm sorry I did. I wish I could have seen it, at that moment, from the his eyes - both as a loving husband, and as an EMT, but I couldn't until later that night.

I was freed on Thanksgiving and Nick brought me home to surprise my family and Jordan. The only thing that could have made it better was if I'd been able to bring Norah home with me.

what I'm most thankful for -- even the headless guy:


ok, that's all for this post. I need to take some pain killers and crawl up to bed. I'm exhausted!