time to catch up

Today is cd18. I will take night 3 of clomid, again, tonight. I guess I should go back and really catch up.

Monday I had b/w & u/s only to see that I still didn't have and follies. My hormone levels were still on the low side, but "normal" for someone with 0 maturing follicles.
So the new plan of action is to pretend that it wasn't cd16, and was cd3 again.

That means round 3 of clomid.

And upping the dose for good measure.

not.cool.at.all.


It's now Wednesday, cd18/cd5 and I've had a pretty constant headache since Monday night. If I wasn't hormonal enough from the first round of clomid this cycle, this one is magnifying it. I don't know what to do with myself.

Ok, that's that. Nothing more to report. I'm having some teeth pulled on Monday and am afraid, but I'll survive. Back to the hospital on Wednesday for follow-up b/w and u/s.

here's hoping.

cd12 u/s & b/w

not good.
I hated today's appointment. There was a new u/s tech training in IF, she's been a tech for awhile, but is learning the IF side. That's fine, you gotta learn somehow.

The poor woman was mortified when there weren't any follicles. She kept apologizing that she couldn't find any big enough to measure. The tech training her (who is a sweetheart, she's done my scans a couple times) and I were trying to tell her that it was ok, some people respond slowly to the meds and it happens. Move on, check the other side and then onto the next patient.

Yeah. Convincing someone else that it was "fine" was fun.

I was screaming on the inside. HOW can I keep failing clomid?! WHY isn't my body responding the way it's supposed to?! Are the mood swings, hot flashes, headaches, dizzy spells and nightmares worth it?
People go through so much more and they find the strength to keep going, keep trying. I have a beautiful daughter. She's smart and funny and fills my days with love and laughter and wonder. I have so much in that little girl. In my life in general. She's what keeps me trying.

I want to see her as a big sister. I want to see her teach her sibling to be gentle with the dog and how to get daddy to share his oreos. I want the drugs to work. I want to stop being broken.

I need to stop whining. I need to accept that pb2 won't arrive as easily as Belle.

I'll get there.

ADVENTURE DAY!

We took Belle to Adventure Wurld today and she LOVED it!
Best $9 we've spent in a while. She loved petting Spike (the guinea pig) and climbing up the foam stairs. She enjoyed going in and out of the big, inflatable bouncy house too.

Seriously, best $9 spent in a long time!

cd3 b/w & u/s

Here we go again...
For cd3 everything looks great. I don't think I've heard that before. I know they've said everything looks normal and fine, but I don't think I've heard everything looks great.

I'm glad everything looks great because today hurt. It makes it seem worth the hurt if everything is great. The ultrasound was very, very uncomfortable today. It's a 5 minute scan, but I was so uncomfortable and cramping so much during those 5 minutes I nearly asked for a break. She used a bigger needle for the blood draw and it hurt.

Clomid starts tonight. I'm taking twice the dose I took last month so I hope I respond faster this time. I've also got Ovidrel in my fridge. I did not know about the trigger for this cycle until yesterday. I had a little freak out moment, but I'm ok now. Not sure I'll still be ok when the time comes to inject it, but for now, I'm ok.

new cycle

feck.
at least we have a plan for future cycles.

here's hoping we don't need the plan.

today's b/w & results

Blood draw this morning.
Progesterone level is at 12.6 which is better than it was with the natural cycle.
If this cycle is a bust, we'll do another monitored, medicated, timed cycle. The dose of clomid will go up (I forgot to ask to what) and I'll continue to be monitored as I was before.