I hated today's appointment. There was a new u/s tech training in IF, she's been a tech for awhile, but is learning the IF side. That's fine, you gotta learn somehow.
The poor woman was mortified when there weren't any follicles. She kept apologizing that she couldn't find any big enough to measure. The tech training her (who is a sweetheart, she's done my scans a couple times) and I were trying to tell her that it was ok, some people respond slowly to the meds and it happens. Move on, check the other side and then onto the next patient.
Yeah. Convincing someone else that it was "fine" was fun.
I was screaming on the inside. HOW can I keep failing clomid?! WHY isn't my body responding the way it's supposed to?! Are the mood swings, hot flashes, headaches, dizzy spells and nightmares worth it?
People go through so much more and they find the strength to keep going, keep trying. I have a beautiful daughter. She's smart and funny and fills my days with love and laughter and wonder. I have so much in that little girl. In my life in general. She's what keeps me trying.
I want to see her as a big sister. I want to see her teach her sibling to be gentle with the dog and how to get daddy to share his oreos. I want the drugs to work. I want to stop being broken.
I need to stop whining. I need to accept that pb2 won't arrive as easily as Belle.
I'll get there.
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