"surprised and delighted"

those were the words that Dr. Carpenter said when he saw my u/s.
He can't explain it, and I need to understand that Norah still has a "very significantly elevated risk" for a heart defect (which we'll check for again at the end of July), BUT....



can you see what's missing?



He said he doesn't seen that happening often, but it can. AND OBVIOUSLY IT DID!

I can't stop crying, and I can't stop thanking God for our good fortune.
For some reason, a possible heart defect seems so much more manageable than the cystic hygroma.

driving myself crazy

Less than 24 hours before the ultrasound and fetal echo appointment.

I'm terrified. I have no idea what to expect.

I have no idea (other than heart defects) as to what can cause the CH. Hasn't stopped me from making up my own scenarios though! The BEST one, imho, is that Norah only has 1 kidney and somehow that's what the "problem" is. Notice the quotes around problem? It's much more dramatic when I relay my theory in person and use air quotes and say problem in a sarcastic tone. ANYWAY, my great-grandmother had this "problem" and lived into her 80's.

However, I've learned not to expect anything when going for an ultrasound. I got myself all ready to hear that Bug had markers for Ds. While I didn't want to hear that Bug had any problems, I honestly thought the worst I'd hear was that she most likely had Ds and I was ok with that. I don't know a lot about it, but there are lots of resources available and I'd learn.
Then heard that she had a 10% chance of survival b/c of a cystic hygroma with septations. I'd never even heard of a cystic hygroma before, let alone about one with septations. I had no idea what lymphatic malformations were. I can only find bits and pieces of information about it. Less information seems to be available when septations are involved. And even less when your child is chromosomally normal with septations.
Every piece of good news is a little victory, but at the same time, it makes what she has less and less common. Count on me to have a kid with some difficult to diagnose issue! ::Waves:: Hi, over 10 YEARS of hives before anyone noticed that I had a thyroid disorder and another couple years after that before my drug allergies were discovered. Good times. Good times.

so that's that. I'm nervous. I'm excited to see Norah again, but I'm really afraid of what we'll hear. I just want to know what to expect.

mish mosh

Belle had her 18 month well visit yesterday and did... um, was Belle. She did not want anyone looking at her/touching her/telling her what to do so she screamed. The monster baby weighed in at 30 pounds even and 33 inches tall.

I'm having a really hard time with the level 2 u/s and fetal echo coming up. I was being positive. Ok, I was trying to be positive. I bought Norah & Belle matching hats and have been thinking about nursery decor.
Then the shit hits the fan and I'm back to nothing but dark thoughts about baby funerals and how I'll keep Norah alive in our hearts when she's not alive in this world.
Her crib was recalled. Before I bought it. I can't get the repair kit without looking at the crib itself. I can't do that. It's still in the box and I can't open it. I just can't bring myself to. That box holds those euphoric feelings of being first pregnant when you think nothing could/would go wrong. I hate this. I hate that something as simple as opening a box is sending me into a tailspin.

This sucks. I feel like I've been robbed of the ability to be happy about my pregnancy. I'm happy she's in there, growing and kicking, but I just want to know what's going to happen. I want to know the final outcome, but want to be able to enjoy her while I can, just in case.

this.sucks.

My Boo-Buddy got her hair cut

She did better than I expected. She wasn't happy, but she survived. Hopefully next time will go a bit more smoothly.

and pics to prove it happened....

before:


after:


She really isn't as miserable as she looks in the after pictures. Her rotten mother is just blocking her view of iCarly and she's quite displeased.

Yesterday's OB appointment

I love my OB! Dr. J was great while I was carrying Belle and I was so excited when I learned she switched practices b/c I did not like her partner. She doesn't BS and answer if she isn't positive about it. She's very optimistic about Norah arriving this year.

My bp was low - 98/60 - and I'm still down 10lbs. I need to work on that, but she isn't stressing me out about it like she did while I was pg with Belle (and neither is Nick). At this point, I'm not overly concerned. When I'm hungry, I eat. I'm not vomiting every 5 minutes and am taking less and less of the zofran (I'm hoping to wean myself off by the weekend) so I'm feeling pretty good.

Norah's hb was 142. She's just like her sister - stays in one place long enough to get a reading and then goes as far away as possible. It took some getting used to when Belle did it so hearing a nice strong hb and then absolute silence over the doppler again made me giggle.

Next appointments are at the MFM on the 29th - level 2 u/s and fetal echo cardiogram; and the 7th at the OB.

time for a Belle post!

It's been a while so it's time for a strictly Belle post!

Belle has a new phrase. Hup me. Cutest.thing.ever! Half the day she runs around wanting things she can't get or do (or just won't get/do) and then says "hup me, Mumma! hup me!" Makes me giggle every time.

She's also rediscovered her pack and play. I took it out so that I could throw some toys in it while I cleaned and she wanted to go in. I expected her to last 2 minutes before she's melt down. TWENTY minutes later, she's was still happy as a clam playing in there. It's now in the living room with some of her babies and balls and she's in and out of it a few times a day.

Belle = my child. I bought her some water shoes. Um, hello, NEW SHOES! I made the mistake of not putting them on her feet the second she opened her eyes from nap. She chased after me with her new shoes yelling "shoooooooooooooooooooooooooooosse" until they were on her feet. What can I say, the girl loves her shoes and that's more like me than any hair/eye color could ever be!

And now my little bubba is awake - sitting in her crib, singing a song and patting her legs. I love watching her wake up on the video monitor, she's so happy when she first wakes up! :)

a name!

I want her to have a name.
HER NAME.
No one can take her name away from her.
I want her to know that is who she is.
I want her to hear us calling her by her name.




She is, Norah Grace.

CVS results

BUG HAS 46 CHROMOSOMES!!!!!!!

I'm pretty excited. I realize there is something causing the cystic hygroma, but it was most likely chromosomal and we've ruled that out. Bug is defying odds already! Way to go, baby girl!!