cardi day sucked.

Maybe sucked is a bad word for it.
I knew a day like today was coming, we've been waiting and preparing for it since before Norah made her debut.

The left side of Norah's heart is enlarged. It's stretching out. There doesn't seem to be any change in her VSD or her pulmonary valve stenosis, it possible that her mitral valve stenosis is *slightly* worse, but with the amount of blood pushing through, that really wasn't a surprise to me at all.

We're waiting on a call to tell us when our next appointment will be, It'll be the first consult with Children's Hospital Boston. At that appointment, we'll find out if it's time to consult surgery. Surgery will be an open heart procedure that will repair her VSD and then decide if her valve need anything done. That decision won't be made until after the VSD is patched - it'll be made while she's still open.

I'm so angry and hurt. Not at, by or b/c of Norah, but b/c I let myself get too comfortable with her heart. I really started to let myself forget just how serious her issue is, b/c it's common.
Cancer is common. Doesn't make it any less serious.

I don't know. I just need to get through her next appointment before I worry about another surgery, I guess. I just don't know how to handle the news. I KNEW it was coming. I EXPECTED it months ago. WHY am I so surprised that it IS happening?

I just want to forget about today.

oh, and before I forget, stats: oxygen 98%, height 26 1/4", weight 14lbs 11oz. She has trouble putting weight on. Just one more thing to work on I suppose. Maybe counting her calories will keep me distracted until the follow up.

Here's hoping.