It's 5am

I feel like I had a nightmare.
Jordan woke up screaming about 20 minutes ago, but went back to sleep shortly after.
I missed her so much yesterday.
I just want to go in her room and get her - she doesn't really need sleep, does she? Today, I've got errands to run & she's going to have a Belly-Daddy morning so I can get them done quickly (they involve trying on clothes :/) and getting home to her as fast as possible. Then I have a drs appointment while she's napping, but I have to leave before she goes down.
Can it be Friday yet? I just want to spend the day with her, and love her and be grateful that I have her here with me.
She's snoring away peacefully right now, all bundled up in her blankets and all I want to do is snatch her up out of her crib and hold her. I know she'd never go for it since snuggling can only be done on her terms, but I can't help it - I want to snuggle with my girl.

I felt like I had a handle on the situation. Now, I feel like there are so many unanswered questions and I don't think I'll be able to get straight answers.
I'm starting to consider delivering in the hole I hate if I can stay with her the entire time she's in the NICU. And by hate, I mean hate, loathe & despise -- honestly, I'd rather die than deal with that hospital, but if I get to be with my baby and she'll still have her surgery in Boston, maybe I can deal with it.

It's so strange how calm I feel about Norah's heart. It's like the other shoe has finally fallen and, yes, there are things to deal with, but we were kinda prepared for this. For the longest time, we weren't going to be able to know what was wrong until after she was born and I wasn't going to be able to deliver at *my* hospital and there were so many uncertainties. Then we had a little window of a normal pregnancy. Now we're back to a form of "plan A" and it isn't as scary as it was, especially since she has a problem that can be and has been diagnosed, and we have a plan of treatment. I'm still learning as much as I can about her diagnoses, but it's a lot easier to learn when you know exactly what the problem is, instead of a blanket problem where no one may never know the exact cause. That's oddly comforting. Knowing what it is. Knowing she can get treatment and lead a full, happy, healthy life.

I want a healthy baby, but isn't what's important for her to be able to grow and be happy & healthy for a lifetime? Maybe this hurdle will be the only one she has in her life, maybe it'll be the first of many. Isn't it my job to make her feel loved and secure in her own skin and confident in herself that all these hurdles are nothing she can't handle?

I just want my girls to be happy & healthy & confident & know how loved they are. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that happens.