all is not well

Bug has a very slim chance of survival.
I feel like if I say it enough, I'll stop crying over it. Hasn't worked yet, but that doesn't mean it won't.
I'm heartbroken. I failed my baby. I know there's nothing I could have done to prevent this, but there's nothing I can do to fix it either. It's my fucking job as a mother to make it better and I'm a failure at my job.
I'm not giving up hope until Bugs heart stops beating, but I'm trying to be realistic. The odds of me seeing my child take a breath are slim to non. The odds of Belle teaching Bug to be gentle to the dog and cat are even slimmer.
I want to hope and be positive, I do. I just can't right now. I can't keep thinking about the future like I was. I can't keep envisioning Jordan as a big sister to this baby. I can't keep envisioning this baby as a big sibling to the next phantom baby.
Right now, there doesn't seem to be much I can do. Just keep on keeping on I guess. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. I just don't know. No, I do know. Right now, I am pregnant. Right now, Bug is still growing and has a strong heartbeat. Right now, I need to be grateful for what I do have.